I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
