Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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