It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
