Will you blow on my dice?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Come on in and take your pants off
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