is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
