am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
