Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
