you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
