Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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