Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
