he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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