im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
