btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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