You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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