she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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