I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
