my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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