sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
