did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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