I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
