She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
