were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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