I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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