Umm I'm too high to move.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
