I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
