dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
