I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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