Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
