ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
