Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
