I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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