she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
