those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
