i just had sex bonerless
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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