her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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