party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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