I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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