From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
