i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
