just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think a kid would responsible me up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
