If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
