is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
