addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
