I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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