the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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