A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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