dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
