Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize