By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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