If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
