I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
