If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
