You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
