I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
