Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
