Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Enjoy the penises
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
