You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm too high and old for this...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
