I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
