he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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