youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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