Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
