Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
