There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
