these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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