It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
