Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
