I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
