You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
