just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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