Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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