He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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