Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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