so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
