Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
