Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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