Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
