My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I color on your dick again?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We need to get me chipped asap
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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