I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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