I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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